Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
