Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
