just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
