She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
