I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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