Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
