i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
