I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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