doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
