She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
