when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
