thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
