Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
