oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
