bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
