I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
