I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
