Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
