Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
