Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
