im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
