no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
