Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
