yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
