my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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