you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
