well he's currently spooning the coffee table
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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