That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
