You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
