You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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