You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
