I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
