you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
