so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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