That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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