I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
