So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
