Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
