Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is the high leading the old right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want nice things and good sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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