The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
