im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
