is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
