what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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