I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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