i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
