He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
