my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
