I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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