Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
