i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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