The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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