i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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