i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
