he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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