I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
