I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
