I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
