so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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