I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
