sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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