I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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