So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
