i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
