we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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